Adulting Coaching

If you’ve landed on this page, of the gazillions of pages on the Internet, chances are that you, or more likely your child, is having some challenges launching into adulthood, with all the privileges and responsibilities that come with it.

I field dozens of parent questions every year about how I, and they can support their children in this significant transition. To follow please find some of these q’s and a’s. I hope that it helps you as you support your loved one. As always, I welcome meeting you for an introductory session to see if we might be a fit for a longer coaching program.

My child is 19, 24, 28, 32, and just having a hard time figuring out what they want to do. Can you help?

Absolutely. I have worked with clients at all these ages and in my experience they tend to launch quickly once they find something that fires them up. In the college years, we have to ask a fundamental question about whether or not going to college will serve them and how. Do they need to work to earn a living? What kind of money do they want to / need to make? What do they want to do?

At the other ages, similar questions. Whether or not they need to work to earn a living, there is dignity in meaningful work. Our opportunity is to help them find the contribution they want to make in the world. And often, that contribution is found in exploration. I encourage many of my clients in their 20s who aren’t sure exactly what they want to do to explore multiple options. Fashion design! Writing! Photography! Farming! Accounting!

Yes, to all of it. Let’s get in there, try and sample. And then commit to the work that fulfills you helps you make the money you want to make to live the lifestyle you want to have.

There are many VERY happy baristas in their early twenties that live modestly and have a great artistic side hustle. Masters students who work as nannies. Miserable pre-med kids who really want to be teachers. I help folks find contentment in where they are and what they’re moving towards.

Please be advised: what your child wants to do and what you want them to do may not be the same. I’m happy to have group coaching sessions to discuss this should this come up in your child’s coaching.

My son and all his friends are in their late 20s, and just sit in my basement smoking weed and watching video games. Until like 3 in the morning! I’m not happy about this. Can you help?

N/A

Kinda. But first you need to manage the chaos in your own house. Do you like them in your house smoking weed? What’s your role in all this? Are you enabling a system you don’t want? I can help your child (if and only if they want my support), but you’ll need to manage the situation in your house that you don’t want.

In a situation like this, I’d recommend that you ALSO get a coach, or a therapist, or the help you need to set appropriate boundaries with your adult children.

As for weed, that’s a tricky one. Smoking weed has become a political act in many ways, and lots of people are subbing out alcohol for gummies these days. It’s problematic; we’re weeding in places where we wouldn’t smoke or drink (on park benches, in the car), and quite frankly it’s no less illegal for underage kids to weed than it is for them to drink.

But…social change is what it is and we’re a lot more tolerant to weed now. That said, I think it’s problematic socially and neurologically. Just because weed is legal doesn’t mean that your kids should smoke daily any more than drinking daily is a good idea.

If your child has an addiction problem, we need to deal with that. I am not an expert in substance abuse or addiction, and your child will need help with that before and during their coaching program.

Coaching asks a lot of the person being coached, and if they’re finding themselves in the swirl of unmanaged addiction, the coaching work is going to be slow.

But facing your (or your child’s) addiction is hard, requires bravery and support. Don’t normalize substance abuse just because it’s legal #preachover.

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My son doesn’t want to work. He just wants to sit on my couch and eat my food. He walks the dog, but that’s it. Can you help?

Ah! The great my-son-walks-the-dog-but-nothing-else situation. You wouldn’t believe how often I hear this! It’s like all my phone-addicted clients that can’t put their phone down at night but aren’t willing to get their phones out of their rooms! An alarm clock is less than $3, and yet I’ve heard all the excuses in the world as to why my clients simply MUST have their phone in their room as an alarm! Hooey.

Dog walkers are cheap. Having your child on a leash appears to be a very expensive choice that you are making. What’s going on?

My guess is that you want them to have some responsibility, so in exchange for room and board, they walk the dog. Which, I get.

However, I’ve had a few clients who do so much dog walking while parents are working on traveling that they themselves cannot find a job! I’ve asked that they take a trip to a major city (if they’re living rural) and contemplate how life might be living on their own and…parent’s won’t let them because of a dog.

Now, I love me some dogs. I’ve adopted all kinds of wackadoo special needs dogs over the years and loved them silly. But if you’re child isn’t able to get going on their own and the dog is the reason, the good news is we’re doing to be able to affect change quickly.

Adulting means allowing space for them to get out, learn, and often that enjoys some fails on the way to success. But we’ve got to give them their lead, and not stay on the other end of Fido’s.

My college-age daughter isn’t sure college is for her. Can you help?

Yes, please! I’ve worked with some amazing college age kids in similar situations. I really (really really) appreciate a person who is brave enough to say – this thing we’ve been talking about for years? I’m not sure it’s for me. People who don’t want to rack up their own debt, or spend their money unnecessarily.

I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of people like this, who are brave enough to say “Let’s stop and reconsider this big expensive choice, shall we?” And I applaud you for reaching out to help them.

I never know where these stories will end up. Many of the folks I’ve worked with mid-college have taken a pause and ultimately returned with more direction, focus, and engagement. It might take months, it might take years. It will likely involve a venue change.

I will work with the person to help get clear on what they do and don’t want, and our coaching will likely involve additional exploration to help them learn more about themselves and what drives them.

Can I just sign my child up for a session?

Nope. Coaching works best when the client wants to be there. I encourage you to show your child my website, and of course I’m happy to answer any questions they have over email. Find a couple of coaches that might work and let your child choose.

In the end, it’s best when I receive an email directly from your child to set up the session. It just sets the tone that this is something THEY want to do. And it’s all about actualizing adulthood, right? Let’s start with the ask.

How do we set up a session with you?

Just go to allisontask.com/intro and fill out the form. Let me know what times might work for a session and we can make that magic happen :-).

How long will it take to fix my kid?

First: your kid isn’t broken! Your kid is probably pretty awesome. And unique. And kind and generous and has a thing that they’re good at, maybe something else that they really enjoy (hopefully it’s what they’re good at but if not we can always help them skill up!). I’m really excited to meet your child.

I’ve met young adults for a single session and they were off to the races. Changed their life, bought that ticket to LA, and (literally) sent me a postcard from their new life. I’ve worked with one woman for 3 sessions who decided she wanted to move to New Zealand for 6 months and do a lot of exploring before she (and she did) eventually returned to US and to college. I’ve worked with others for three to six months before significant change happens.

Most coaching clients have engagements of 3 to 6 months. Younger clients tend to move faster. I am not sure how long your child will take to make change, but after a first session we’ll both have a better sense of what they’re looking to do and how I can best support them toward that change.

My son has _____ (ADHD, dyslexia, is on the spectrum). Things just come harder for him. Do you have experience helping kids like this?

Definitely not. I completely disagree with that philosophy. I know that 90% of people don’t like their jobs. My clients are the 10%.

You’re not supposed to like your job. That’s why they call it work. Can you help my child understand that?

I do. Many of my clients are neurodiverse. Many of my clients don’t learn this until adulthood, and they find great relief learning “it’s not me, it’s just how my brain works!”

I also have a child who is neurodiverse and I’ve chosen to see this as a gift – for him and for me. There are incredible advantages to being neurodiverse; in my home we call it a superpower. The hard thing is having to come through the gauntlet of traditional education, and expectations. But my-oh-my, once you make it through that, you can conquer just about anything!

So let's take this beautiful human being and figure out where they might like to use their wonderful life for. How would they like to spend their time and energy and contribute?

In summary…

I look forward to meet you and your child. And I look forward to fostering the connections that can help you both enjoy life more.