YOUR PERSONAL (R)EVOLUTION
Imagine What You Can Do When You Do All You Can*
Is there something you want that seems a bit out of reach? Financially? With your home or career? Children or Spouse? Or would you like to find a partner? Are you busy zipping here and there, and frustrated that you don’t have the opportunity to stop and enjoy all your hard work?
Think about that thing you want.
Now think about what would happen if you hired someone to help you make it happen. Imagine if you said that thing you want out loud, then once a week got together with someone and nursed that dream project until it became a reality?
Whether it’s a job change, losing weight, reinvigorating your business or finding a partner, I am your partner until it happens.
We work together, week after week and we make change happen. We’ll plot and plan, and between sessions you’ll move a little closer, take out some obstacles, and keep closing the gap. After about a month of working together, you’ll realize that you’ve made more progress towards this goal in one month than you have in two years thinking about it.
I am a personal coach for people who want to contribute. To their families, communities, the world. In a significant, powerful and meaningful way.
My clients want to write books that help young boys embrace boyhood, stop sex trafficking, cure cancer (really, one of my clients is working on a cure for cancer), sell the most beautiful wedding dresses in the world, find their happy after divorce. I have a client who wants to write a successful screenplay, another who plans to start an artificial intelligence company and sell it for millions of dollars, and another who wants to find a partner and start a family.
My clients have an itch to scratch – something they want to do that’s ambitious, a little scary, and feels so right. I help them make that meaningful contribution to the world. After all, someone is going to:
- write a best selling children’s book
- have a happy marriage and children
- write a screenplay
- cure cancer
Why can’t it be them? Let’s turn that question around. How can it be them? I help them figure that out.
And for the purposes of this exercise, I’m going to put you right in the client’s chair, speaking directly to you as if you are the client. Here’s how it works when you’re working with me:
PERSONAL (R)EVOLUTION STEP #1: IMAGINE
In Step One we define your strengths, your passions, identify your superpower, redefine success and actively IMAGINE your goals. We have a conversation about what you like — what you’ve always liked, what you’re drawn to. Together, we build a visual picture of your future — what it will look like when you’re living in a way that has meaning for you.
Everyone has an idea of what success is for you and for others. Maybe your perspective is shaped by your parents, the media, or your friends and neighbors. We spend some time evaluating what a successful life will look like 3 to 6 months from now as you define it. We’ll talk about what it will look like two years from now, and 10 years from now. Perhaps success in your 20s was working crazy hours as a journalist, following every story. But maybe success in your 40s is about working smarter, making good money (and we define what that is), and coaching your daughter’s soccer team.
As we move forward to the next steps, I hold onto this vision. I protect it, nurture it, reinforce it.
PERSONAL (R)EVOLUTION STEP #2: PLAN
Now that we’ve identified your core values, your superpower and your definition of success, we can make a PLAN.
First, let’s paint pictures. That book you want to write: what does the cover look like? What will you do with your spouse (when you find him or her) for your 5th wedding anniversary? Tell me about your summer vacation with the kids when they are nine years old. These are powerful tools, these pictures, because when you start to visualize, you can actualize. These visions prepare your brain to expect this reality. These are your big, powerful milestones.
During the planning phase, I observe the gap between what you say you want and what you’re doing to achieve what you want. And then, gently and carefully, we close that gap. You want to lose weight but you don’t want to give up your nightly wine and cheese habit. Can you substitute something else for the wine and cheese this week? No? Ok, you OK to keep those pounds for the winter and then shed the pounds in the summer? Sounds good to me. Let’s just be honest and get those nagging “wants” and “shoulds” to go away. Make room for the “wills” and “cans”.
I support you and encourage you. I stay by your side through the process. You said that you were going to write for 90 minutes every morning? I’ll check in midday every day to see how that writing is going. I won’t wait a week – you know you’ll have me checking in on you every day. I provide regular accountability until that habit is established, and then we begin working on a different habit. After a few months, that screenplay will be ready for the next step.
This process helps us move from what I call “inch pebbles”, like writing every day, to completing milestones, i.e. a completed manuscript.
PERSONAL (R)EVOLUTION STEP #3: IMPLEMENT AND REFINE
Until you do that thing you want to do – whether it’s writing your book or setting up a nutrition practice, it’s all speculation. Like a first kiss, or going through labor, you can prepare all you want but until you do it, you don’t really know what the experience is like.
I have a client who wanted to catapult her career. She was working in real estate investment, and she was making a lot of money. She was skilled, capable, and frustrated, for she was on a dead-end path. She wanted a bigger role in the firm, she wanted to run investments. She wanted to be the business person she knew she was.
Her reviews were flawless, and yet — she couldn’t seem to get the company to support a move. We strategized. She had meetings with senior management, mentors, and over the course of months of trying, one thing became clear: she was hitting a glass ceiling. And it wasn’t going away, at least not in this firm.
Then we dug deep: she didn’t want another job in real estate; she didn’t want to work for a competitor. As a kid, she was starting businesses: she wanted to try starting — and running — her own company. She wanted to be an entrepreneur. Should she go to business school? What was the next step?
After thinking, acting, and trying new things, she decided to go for it. She and her boyfriend (now husband), started a company. Within a year, Facebook had offered to buy them out. Today she’s onto her second tech startup, and she’s the CEO.
Here’s what I love about this process: She wanted to move up in the company, yet she was blocked (through no fault of her own). So we dug deeper, to get at what would be even more meaningful for her — and the best way to get there. In the end, she ended up in a far more satisfying and authentic place.
Implement, refine. Implement, refine. This is the engine of change, and where we spend most of our time together. You’ve established a vision, made a plan, now we iterate through old-fashioned trial and error until we get to that place where you say, “Yes! This is what I want!”
PERSONAL (R)EVOLUTION STEP #4: CELEBRATE
While we work together, you lose sight of how hard you’re working, because you get into the flow state. I’m structuring the plan for you – I’m the scaffolding and you’re the building. The building just goes up higher and higher. Soon you’re a highrise, but you never looked down to see how far you’ve risen. You just keep looking up, looking toward that goal, riding high. Then one day, I hold your hand and show you the earth again.
Then, we take time to celebrate what you’ve accomplished. When we do this, we look back at what worked and why, when did you speed toward your goal and how did you overcome obstacles.
By reinforcing what worked, we’re encouraging those habits for the future. Celebrating is actually part of the work! Really, let’s look at the flow chart again:
WHY DOES COACHING WORK?
REASON# 1 We build a visual picture of it – an undeniably beautiful picture that helps you see it.
Just like envisioning the perfect golf swing, start imagining that great future place. That happy marriage, that home of your dreams. You want an office where you see clients? Envision that office. Is there a window? Exposed brick?
Envision it, then start doing the blocking and tackling to make it happen. At some point, that vision becomes so tantalizing and motivating, you can’t help but do the work that will take you there.
REASON # 2. I am an accountability partner.
I’m also a bit of a nudge. I check in, between sessions to see how you’re doing. We work together: you do the work, I keep you on track.
Sure, you write that book on your own. You could start a company on your own. But it’s a lot more fun—and effective, to have a partner who shares your vision and nurtures your baby along with you.
Plus, when those negatives come out—the negative self talk that always seems to emerge, you can duck out of the way and let me handle it. I talk back. Loud! I defend you and your idea and the greatness of it.
You’ll see the negatives shrink, shrink, shrink away. As you continue to move toward that dream of yours, the naysayers get real quiet.
No matter how many times a midwife delivers a baby, it always seems like a miracle. No matter how much faith I have in my clients, I’m consistently blown away by how they make it happen. They exceed their—and my—expectations.
If this moved you, send me an email and tell me about your dream. Let’s make it so.
*This is a derivation of a quote from Sun Tzu. The original quote is “Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?”