I like words. A lot. I like slang words and phrases (grrrrl?), even words that are not words at all but convey oh-so-much (mmm-hmmmm?).
You feel me? I know you do.
Language grows and evolves and I’ve got back stage passes to that show. I’d like to share two new phrases that have significantly improved my life this season. Feel free to borrow or claim as your own, and use with vigor. You’re welcome.
“I got you.”
This phrase has the power to act like a weighted blanket on my nervous system. I received it just then I needed it recently. Here’s the story.
After ten years, I’m redesigning my web site (exciting!). So as usual, I asked a former client (and professional photographer) to help me with my photo shoot. I love to collaborate with clients whenever possible, because we get each other at a very special level.
It’s been, ahem, a while since my last shoot. I had been procrastinating the web redesign for years because I’ve been feeling more than a little camera shy. I was ner-vous for this shoot.
My photographer probably picked that up when I sent her my mood boards, changed the time of our session several times, and tossed a lot of anxiety her way. She does this for a living and could likely smell my off vibe miles away.
I sent her a super nervous text about my hard out just before the session and she responded “I got you.”
Poof. The anxiety left my body. And with her words, those three little words in a text, I knew I was in good hands, I could stop the micromanagement, and just relax.
These words had the opposite effect of “what are you worried about?”, “calm down” or “don’t be so anxious”. She saw how I was feeling and let me know that she was going to drive and I could ride shotgun and relax.
Magic.
Since then, I’ve heard that phrase from servers in restaurants and other folks who are digging in to help me. It conveys – I hear you, I’m going to help you, and dare I say – I am attempting to “get” you!
“I got you.” It’s an emotional trust fall and I like it. I’ll be using it in short order, right now I’m just soaking in the luxury of receiving it.
“FITFO”
Which brings me to FITFO, a term you’ll find at the other end of the emotional support spectrum. I wrote that acronym in all caps on my white board the other day, while a CXO client was sharing a story about the general incompetency of one her colleagues.
You know that feeling you get when we’re stuck in the problem, just circling the drain? It’s harder to see in yourself, but super easy to see in others. There’s a simple solution here we’re so committed to sitting in the problem we can’t see it.
Examples:
“‘Mom we’re out of milk.”
Has anyone checked the downstairs fridge? FITFO.
“When my spouse travels for work, it’s just so hard to keep up with dinners!”
How about ordering in? Freezing stuff in advance? Cheese plate for dinner? FITFO.
“I just don’t know how I can manage Thanksgiving travel!”
Really? This happens every year. Not exactly a surprise. Change your commitments or change your travel plans. FITFO.
Now, I don’t mean to be glib. There are real problems in life, and they can be hard. As we both know, a lot of my work involves offering the emotional torque that helps you loosen your grip on the problem. But there are also problems that we manufacture, a kind of learned helplessness that makes life harder than it needs to be.
Enter FITFO. An acronym that stands for Figure It The Flip Out. And you know when I say Flip I definitely do NOT mean Flip.
I say it now, frequently. Someone in front of me with the left turn signal on that can’t seem to make that turn. “FITFO, driver.” Kids trying to organize their social lives in multiple text threads: “FITFO, babies.” Government shutdown: “FITFO, elected officials.” It’s a word that encapsulates my support of someone helping themselves, decisively, with a problem that they can solve.
There are gnarly problems that need space and time, and there are smaller ones that grow if we let them, crowding out our competence. These are emotional weeds in the flower bed of life that we have the capacity to pull out. If we sit around and perseverate on fake problems, they will steal joy from our life, killing the flowers in our emotional garden. They sap resilience, sap self-advocacy, sap confidence.
FITFO.
There you have it, friends. From “I got you.” to FITFO. Two action oriented phrases that will relieve you of unnecessary stress and help you (or someone you love) get out of their own way.
You know I got you.
