My twin sons have their b’nai mitzvah this weekend. This is a rite of passage for Jewish teens, where they are invited to lead their congregation, read from the torah, and speak words of insight based on study and personal values / beliefs. We call this a D’var torah, it’s also known as a sermon.
My boys have spent years in Hebrew school and the last year studying even more intentionally. They will lead services on Friday and Saturday, and celebrations on Saturday and Sunday, with hundreds of loved ones, friends and family.
This rite of passage comes at just the right time: seventh grade. Think of all the pressures and awkwardness at this time. I have two boys, with an EIGHT INCH height difference, one is pre-puberty and the other is still working on it.
It’s a wonky, wonky time. And…
What better time to have adults lean in a bit and guide you? Be with you, see you? What better time to have you reach to your edges, challenge yourself to do something difficult, and have your community witness it all?
I am not for big, expensive parties, nor garish superficial festivities. I am for gathering a room of people who love and challenge my sons, and will support and guide these two forward as they continue to walk into their lives. And I’m for dancing and rejoicing when the accomplishment is still fresh in our minds.
Enough about them – how does this relate to YOU?
We have many rites of passage for kids, but once you become an adult, and graduate from your places of higher learning (if you choose), the rites of passage are often other-oriented: marriage, kids, then kids’ events. Or it’s focused on the negative: battling illness, divorce, etc.
The bulk of our adult lives is spent without a clear rite of passage events. And by event, I don’t mean turning fifty, I mean an accomplishment, doing something hard, publicly. Having a point of view. Standing up for something.
Maybe we run marathons or get a job promotion. But public moments of spiritual engagement, of theoretical and communal contributions, well we can do better than leaving that to 13 year olds!
Is there something you’d like to set up, a rite of passage coming up where you might want to be recognized / received by your community? Is there something happening where you might need and want support?
I have a friend who had surgery recently and set up a walking plan to get back to health. She invited the community to join her for walks over the month after her surgery.
It was a renewal opportunity after health challenges. She invited in support, intimacy, and has been fascinated by how each walking partner showed up for her. It warms her heart, which is a spiritual healing to go along with the physical.
I have another friend who recently ended a seven year relationship. It needed to end for about half of those years, but, as we all know, these things can drag on. When she finally decided to conclude, she cleaned house: removed the texts, pictures, let it all go. Instead of mourning the loss of the good, she focused on what didn’t work, putting her energy into the story of closure and not clinging to / over fixating on the good parts she was losing.
Transitions, change, evolution. It all happens. Marriage, divorce, cancer, recovery, Alzheimers, death, birth, graduations. Bar mizvahs. These are life events, rites of passage.
It’s wonderful and remarkable to pursue, achieve, do a hard thing, then stop, acknowledge, receive love from your community and celebrate. I wonder what might be the next time you can do that for yourself?
Take a moment to think now about where you are – some celebration you might want to have this summer, maybe it’s a full moon gathering with some old friends, maybe it’s a gathering of new ones? Perhaps you and ten of your besties all throw a celebration together? Maybe it’s big, maybe it’s powerfully intimate.
Maybe you celebrate with a piece of jewelry, new shoes, or a meal you make for someone else.
Rites of passage are opportunities to stop, acknowledge, and be present with a moment of your life.
Enjoy it. I know I will soak that I will soak in the joys of this weekend for many years to come!
Xxoo-
Allison
